When I was in my history class in college I remember my professor talking about the concept of the cave. Once you leave the cave and explore you are eager to explore more and more. Soon you have no intentions to return to the cave. I refused to understand this concept. I was one of those people that always believed that I will never forget to come back to the cave. The cave holds my key to success and happiness. If I do not have plans to come back to the cave I have betrayed the cave.
The cave for me is best known as El Paso, Texas. El Paso is my beautiful bubble that kept me happy and safe for years. When I left the cave, I saw my world shattered and I experienced the cruelties of this world. There were many times when I wanted to run back to the cave, but I did not. I always thought that to come back would be worse than staying. For better or for worse that is what kept me going during those times of adversity.
Recently, one of my dearest friends stated to me that he knew that I was never coming back to the cave. He said, "You are loving it too much to come back!" I did not have an answer for him. I have never thought about the option to not come back to the cave. I have always thought about the cave and how beautiful it is every time I go back and how it has evolved and changed without me there. There was also a comfort to knowing that I can also go back to my hometown but I have never explored the idea of not coming back to the cave and calling it home again. What does this mean? And how would this look like?
I know what it would look like but I do not dare to share this vision since I am still figuring out if this makes me a sellout or a visionary trying to explore the world in search of peace and love. When I dare to think about this, I think of what my mentor told me before I left the Burg. I remember sharing some of my worries and fears about moving and having to start all over again and all he said was, "Even if you are the only one there or not, you will be a role model for some or a mentor for others and you can successfully do both." These kind words bring me some peace of mind as I realize that although I am still unsure of what I am doing in this journey, one thing is certain I am not done searching for what I am looking for.
I did not leave the cave to escape it, I left the cave because everything I could do at the cave had been accomplished.
