Once upon a time there was a girl that loved her birthday. It was a day when her family allowed her to do whatever she wanted and the perfect excuse to get away with mischief. Her birthday was a perfect day every year. As she grew older many traditions were added to her special day. At first it was the tradition of red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting and opening of presents at 6:44 pm; the time that she was born. Then came the tradition of Olive Garden dinner where she always ordered the same thing minestrone soup with salad and peach tea. Her friends would buy her a tiara to remind her that she was a princess. Then when she moved away from home she would get her red velvet cake (thanks to her friend, Jenn) and a night filled with yummy beverages and dinner. Her birthday was her favorite day of the year.
Two years ago on her birthday, her grandfather passed on. All she remembers from that day was a pain that she has probably only felt twice in her life. It was as if she had a hole in her chest through where her soul escape. It was a feeling of numbness and endless tears. She was in graduate school a 1,000 miles away and she did not get to say goodbye. All she had was a farewell memory from 2009 and the unfulfilled promise that she would come back to have more talks of wisdom and life. She never went back. She got lost in her world. That year for her birthday she was silent, she did not tell anyone that day about her loss. She did not cry when she told any of her friends the next day. The only time when she felt something other than pain or numbness was when she shared her last moment with her grandfather.
Her last moment with her grandfather was over a bottle of Patron Silver. She had gone to Mexico to say goodbye since she was moving to Missouri for graduate school. Her beloved grandfather asked her to sit down and have a chat with him. He brought out the bottle and started to share with her that he once travel north to be a guest farm worker in the 1950s-60s. She sat there proud in knowing that her abuelo was part of history. As they both sipped tequila and talked. He told her that he knew she was destined for greatness and that he wanted her to be happy and find a companion. "You are too much of a good person to be alone." She nodded and thought of many feminist comebacks to his comment but she didn't say anything. She promised him that she would make him proud and his response was that she already had. Soon she realized that they had finished the bottle. This was her rite of passage as her mother explained to her later that evening. This was her last memory with her grandfather.
She never went back and she did not get to say goodbye. He passed away on February 22, 2011. It was a cold and dark day.
Two birthdays had pass since that day and the feeling of numbness is still there. She hates her birthday. For now it is a day that celebrates death not life. She cannot help to feel that she was cheated. She should have been there but she was not. She wished she would have gone back to share more moments but she never did.
Today is just a reminder that two years ago her grandfather passed away.
