This month is filled with many thoughts. Thoughts about work and the way I dealt with things while I was at UCM. I loved life my last semester at UCM. I was happy and I found passion and purpose in everything I would do at UCM. I saw myself and my work heading towards a path that would result to great things. Now being away from that, I am struggling to see clearly here.
I sit here listening to the wonderful Dave Matthews Band and the lyrics of "Oh" are stuck in my head. "I love you, oh so well, like a kid loves candy and fresh snow," I once loved my life like a kid loves candy and fresh snow. I was a simple individual that wanted to work and be happy. An individual that would find endless joy in feeling the rain on her skin. I remember standing in the football field at UCM and feeling the wind in my face. I remember finding joy in the simple and free things in life. When did I lose sight of these things?
As I sit hear listening to DMB, I am haunted with the thought that I have been doing this the wrong way right from the start.
I have refused to see this as an investment. I am starting to find peace at the end of my days. I am clearly seeing purpose in my days and I am waiting for my passion to reappear. I want to love my job just like a kid loves candy and fresh snow. Maybe one day not far from now that can happen. I hate to think that I am the kind of person that is just working to have an income. I have always wanted to see myself in my work. I have been unfair to this place and this experience. I will never have another UCM experience and that is okay and I must accept that as my reality.
Now is the time to accept the closing of that beautiful chapter called grad school. It is time.
